During my short existence on this planet, i have realized that if you ever want to know yourself, about your likings and disliking, about rights and wrongs, befriend the NIGHT! Its the best friend you can ever have outside your humane circle. Over the years, this friend has made me self-aware, the moment i am drifting. Sometimes, i am just left spellbound and go into the endless, reverberating phenomena called 'thinking' in the lexicon of homo sapiens solely because of endless silence this friend of mine creates after 12:00 A.M. It sounds and feels like a vacuum, like everything has come to a standstill and I just can't escape it. It pushes me into a transcendental state where everything flashes before me and i am left with no option but to 'think'.
Its just one of those nights where this divine friend has left into the thinking mode. I am listening to Kites Instrumental theme which i have myself captured from the original movie. The music is enthralling and helps when you are thinking. I have just completed the movie "Boy in the Striped Pyjamas". What a movie and what a magical background score by James Horner (of the Titanic fame). Man, Hitler was a bloody idiot! Over these many years, i have not been able to stay away from any movie that even lamely touches World War 2 or the madness of Hitler! What he did to the mankind cannot and should not be forgotten.
However, this movie, James Horner theme, Kites instrumental and my friend Night combined have made me to think what i want to do in life. There have been days where i have spent the entire night and all my time on browsing some of the world's best universities, their programs, their happenings and their alumni. I have never doubted even for a second that i want to become and die as a Professor. But whenever i see any faculty lists of any of these universities, i come across some really great profiles having alien or unachievable qualifications, which i can only dream of. I consider myself as an above average student who can never learn by rote, can never cram but can understand, can comprehend what is being said. Of course in the Indian education system, a guy like me has no place. I aspire for that place, that curriculum where i don't have to cram what is not required but is important for the exam, not to beg in front of indifferent Indian professors for some petty grades which can never measure my true potential as a student. History has proved that excellence does not require any formal education, it rather just requires a calm environment, peace, patience and probably a place where you can think independently and segregate yourself from worldly troubles.
I am sure night brings that peace, that environment for me. Perhaps but, till so far, i did not have the courage to fight this system, to do what i like, to study what i want to. Knowing you will end up being a professor but still opting for a Job, perhaps to achieve some financial stability and power. But do those guys who go straight into academics don't succeed. Sure, those in India can't. But i never restricted myself to India. I have visited more foreign university websites than Indian ones. Is this an indication of what i really want? Something i am ignoring since long? Certainly i don't have answers. It pains me to see those who are less intelligent than me, some my near and dear ones, going abroad for Masters/Ph.Ds just because they believed that they 'can' and they 'should' go for it. I don't know when i will start all that but the day i started, there would be no looking back. I know that a good teacher is not the one having Godly qualifications, but the one who can easily connect with his students, who can make them understand his subject, his feelings without blocking their intellectual flow of thoughts.
I aspire to become one such kind, one who, if God is graceful enough, will acquire all those degrees and will connect with my students....something deeply lacking in the Indian education system. I will slowly climb up the ladders because i know i have the ability to become one. Night often helps me to foresee, to aspire, to talk to my real self and vision. Aren't you best friend then? I read a wonderful line today to sum up....
"Dreams are not which come when you are asleep,
dreams are those which don't LET you sleep" .....
James Horner is as usual great and Kites music is soothing. Both have come to their end. I should come to mine.. Good 'NIGHT'....
