May 1994: I was 8 years old when my mausaji died of heart attack. That time, i did not know the meaning of heart attack even. I saw my mausi crying as she was only 30 years old then. That was the first death i ever encountered in my life.
4th June 1995: Barely a year later, i was 9 and my maternal grandfather died of liver cancer and multiple organ failure. He was so close to me. He used to encourage me so much. He was the one who took me actually to studies. I used to study hard as he always promised a grand gift if i topped my class. And luckily, i used to stand among top 3 in my class year after year while in school. Still i got those gifts. Those were good days. I was really struck when nanaji left me. He used to bring jalebis for me to eat, toys to play with and comics to read (i can still read comics full night!). All that came from him.
He used to come back from work late in night. And i draw inspiration from him. He used to go everywhere with a gunner as he was the chief cashier. Every time the gunner entered my house, i used to run inside as i was afraid of his long rifle. But he too was a nice man. Traveling around Lucknow in a car and with a gunner felt so high class those days! Nevertheless, nanaji left me. That was my first encounter with the feeling of losing a beloved person. I cried along with the whole family. Unfortunately, because i was too young, i was not taken to his funeral. Still i could not sleep for days after his death.
13th July 1999: 13th is considered a bad date in India. I lost my elder mamaji just 4 years after i lost my nanaji. He was 29 years old that time. He died in a painful road accident. He would buy me comics and take me to roam on his Yamaha RX-100 bike. May be he is the reason why my current bike is also a Yamaha. I bought a Yamaha because of him, although every body in family dissuaded me. I liked Super Commando Dhruv just as much as he liked. That's why he never said no when i insisted on buying a super commando comics. He died on his beloved Yamaha when a truck hit him and he fell 30 feet down from the roadside in the premises of the very place where my nanaji used to work. What an irony :( Even after so many years, we don't know why he went on a road which would lead him out of Lucknow? What he was doing on that road at 1 a.m in the night, that too alone? He was supposed to come home by 11 pm that day. No body has the answers.
17 May 2003: 4 years later, i lost my paternal grandfather. My babaji was a stern man. He screwed me up like anything but he was the one who gave me the name 'Seetu'. Ya initially that was my nick name before my parents started calling me Sachu. But babaji called me seetu always till his last days. I was not allowed to sleep after 6 am whenever i visited his home, even during summer vacation. That seemed like yucky but now i know that he was right. Thereafter, till i completed class 12th, i always got up by 5 am and used to study fresh minded. Ya those were the most hard working and pleasing days. Babaji died 15 days after he had a stroke and was paralysed. I was sufficiently old that time to understand the situation. At 1 in the night, we got a call from the hospital. I rushed with my dad on my moped and by the time we reached, everything ended. My dad was really moved and he immediately moved out as if he was unable to bear the shock. Though i was a teen, i comforted my dad and we both wept. Too heavy work for a teenager.
January 2006: I was into 2nd year of college and was in Noida with mom to complete the semester registration. Mom got a call that her maternal grandmother died. Yes my mom's maternal grandmother! She was 93. I used to call her boodhi naani as she was older than my nani ji. She used to love me so much. I am sad because i don't have her photos. She treated me like a prince and i was the cynosure of her eyes. She would always give me so much money whenever i used to go to my nanaji's home during summer vacation. I could not attend her funeral and feel pity about.
October 2008: I was in first year IIT and my younger mamiji passed away under mysterious circumstances. Her son Vibhu and her daugter Yashi are very close to my heart. Both have no body to look after and live with their Maternal grandparents. We try to bring them every summer. Luckily this time i was able to meet both of them as their schools were closed and they will spend 2 months at my home. Mamiji was young and i was 11 when she married my mamaji. She was a sweet lady and her smile was very lovely.
Seriously, the last decade of 20th century was very bad for my family. As a kid, i encountered three deaths and was moved. My teenage was more painful because i kept loosing my beloved people. Some of them would have been very happy when i got my first job. I am the eldest and they would have been glad seeing me lead this generation of kids with proud and honour. I most of all miss Nanaji and Mamaji. They would have been so happy to see my upbringing and my achievements. I seriously wanted to ride a Yamaha with me controlling the bike and mamaji sitting behind me. It's another thing that all my family members still hate Yamahas.
Having seen so much in life so early, i am a broken man. Learnt so many things a bit too early. No wonder i like sad songs. When you suffer that much, you start liking sad things. But that does not mean i am always sad! Yes, there is pain in my heart as i am deprived of so many people. But still i smile, i laugh despite all odds because life does not stop. Actually nothing stops if people die. The best thing we do is to strive ahead and make the dead ones proud. They would be seeing us from heaven. I so so miss all of you even though all of you are history now :'(
I love and miss my dead ones and that is why i love people around me. I have friends, some good some bad. I am scared to loose more people and therefore i make every attempt not to lose anybody in life due to my mistake or his/her. I realize the value and worth of people. Its a good thing to value others and be available when they actually need you. Giving time and love to all of them. It feels nice to my heart. I know what it means to have a 'family'.
Recently i went home. I realized that
there are so many things to look after as an elder, even if i am unhappy
at heart. I took all of the available baccha party to dinner. Vibhu and
Yashi were specially happy and that was my objective. I met them in
person after almost 5 years. Phone talks do not bring that much warmth
though. We had a bang and sitting on the rear seat, they all were making me laugh while i was driving the car. I feel that its our time now to
lead. Shalu di, Chunnu, Minakshi, me, Vibhu and Yashi.. i hope all will
do well in life and would make our dead ones proud in heaven.
I am thankful to google as i am at my expressive best today. Normally i am not that expressive. Childhood was painful but things do come out of heart like a volcano sometimes......
