Growing....

I m apparently exhausted with my new responsibility. Tension prevails. Complaints of unavailability are regular now. Mom has started complaining. Inspite of all this, there is one thing which keeps me going. The oppurtunity to prove myself, a new chance to let the people see. I do feel the pressure sometimes and a puff or too comes to my rescue. But i dont have much options as my work is too obstruse for the people. Its quite obvious that what i do now will be looked upon as a thing of pride or as a shame, based on the outcome of my efforts. And i am constantly working so that the former happens soon. Moving on, I do missed tanya but what to do? I don't have any option but to accept the fact. The plant which was sown is long dead now. Her birthday was a chance for me to be sad as well as to be happy. Sad because she is not here and happy because she must have been happy as it was her birthday. Geet helps too much and understands me. I still have sleepless nights. I don't know where i am headed to but all i know is that there must be something good written for me. Maktub!! A chocolate is long due by somebody...

And we call vacations boring... Are they really?

Like all of you, i too get summer vacations. Its a perfect time for vella panti (VP). Now planning to do VP is not at all easy. You have to work hard for it. You keep lying on bed, trying to sleep for maximum time. But how much is enough? Then you get bored of sleeping. Again, then you try to read books. Complete one, two or may be three novels. Enough? Bored again!!

"Lets move on and try some other stuff", we say to ourselves. Now we start watching TV. Different programmes, hundreds of channels. But how many and for how long? Stick to it for two days and you feel same stuff being shown every other day. In the evening, the remote has to be necessarily passed on to mom to watch those K-serials, otherwise its possible you won't be served dinner. So two more days and even TV gets boring. Now what?

"Lets try malls, multiplexes". Okay, our mind asserts. We keep roaming around malls, watching some really beautiful things, try window shopping, watch the latest movies and hang on with friends. But till when? 4-5 days pass, and even this stuff starts giving hiccups. Plus you get additional dose at home for coming late or for spending too much. "Uff, ab kya karein?"

Try shopping. Wow, thats something which has a feel. But you can't shop for more than one day. Why? Bcoz your pocket won't allow, of course untill you are a spoilt brat or born with a silver spoon in mouth. Simple! So even this option gone. Lets join some classes. Dance or cookery. Uff but its so hot outside in summers. How will i go? And why classes? I already attend a lots of them during course work. Lets try visiting neighbours. We visit two-three of them and soon get bored. Why? Because you can't talk with aunties and uncles for more than 30 minutes. "And what about their children?". They are usually either older to us, or too elder to us or simply out of station. No respite here too. "Ab kaha jaun?"

Chalo, lets go to relatives. But they usually are so many. If you go to one and do not visit others, they will start complaining. And what about their pyaar se banaya gaya khaana? That thoda-sa khaana is usually a little less than what 3 people can eat combined. And relatives always feel that we have become slim since last time so we are expected to finish that thoda-sa khaana. Night-long heavy stomach and we swear not to visit such relatives again.

Finally our inquisitive mind asks, "Feel like killing time, Why vacations are so long?". "Arre, but you were dying to have those vacations. Weren't you?", asked God. "I wish my vacations were not so long". Then God replies, "Try to help your mom in her daily works. This way you will not feel bored". Chalo, Lets try to help mom in her daily works. So, We start helping mom in her daily routine. Early morning walk, then breakfast, tea, Lunch, grocery shopping, evening tea, dinner, doing the dishes and lo ho gaya. We prepare tea, may be try and soon start hating kitchen.

...Uff same stuff again and again? What seemed so simple to us is often very difficult. And our respective moms keep on doing it the same stuff uncomplainingly for so many years, infact through all their lives. And we have so many different works to do during these two month vacations and we complain ki i am bored? So is our boredom any where near to what our mom's felt during the past 20-25 years doing same stuff over and over again? Confused and surprised i asked mom. "Mom, don't you get bored?". She replied, "if i would have got bored even once during all those years, you would have been left hungry, or you might have missed your homework, might have missed your exams, or your breakfast, or you might have missed out on your play time. But did that ever happen? When was the last time your mother got ill? Beta, i took all your boredom upon me so that you can live happily and become what you are today. And seeing you i too am happy. Its important to love your work. Then only you can do the same stuff continously for so many years and succeed in your goal. "

I literally cried hearing that. And i realized what's fashionably called boredom among students is just a myth. Somewhere a mom must be getting bored right now so that her child can be happy. I realized that our vacations are enough for us. We can do many things but we will like them if only we love them. And while i finish this line, i know God must be smiling from the sky seeing me and my changed view..

Friendship defined

Many a times, i do those things which i should not have done. But we all are like that. I believe if we do any thing honestly without any suspense at the backyard, then doing that is justified. May be to be spontaneous is not good. But to keep mum is also not welcomed.

I kept on thinking the whole night what is the basis of a good friendship? Is it too much time which was spent, is it understanding, is it honesty, is it leg-pulling, is it laughter or is it the company of the other person? I inferred that a good friendship has all of these components, in small parts. But still without understanding, it's not going to exist. The foundation of every such building must be understanding. So does a friendship enters danger zone by removing one of these factors? I hope not. Understanding comes to the rescue.

I have never considered time as the basis. Many of my good friends were made in a day. Its the understanding again. Its the trust which makes us believe that other person cannot do bad to us. He won't harm us in any way. He will stand by us when we need him. But does that practically happen? As far as i think, in my case, i do stand in support of my friends no matter whether the situation is harmful or eventful for me.

Perhaps i am too spontaneous. I pay the price. But its always better to speak off. It helps in connecting with a person. It helps to make a good chemistry. Still no two persons are different. So not many people will agree with the above point. But then, that's me. If you feel good in the company of a person, then he is your friend. If you have a proper understanding and feel good in his company, then he's your good friend. If in addition to the above two, you also have trust upon him, then he is your best friend. This is because trust is one thing which develops only once. If it is lost, it is never build up again. It's my opinion. People may vary.

Good relations take months to develop. But it takes five minutes to crush them. I hope i remember this forever.

The start of a new Dawn

The previous semester was a horrendous one, partly due to Tanya's insensitivity and partly due to the aftermaths of it. Some stupid, emotional and absolutely crazy acts ensued . I had never been so insensitive towards my studies as was in semester that passed by. Never did i thought so casually about my career and risked it as in this one. But once all this is over, i hope for a new dawn. Very painfully and unwantedly, i have collected the bits and pieces of my mind in this soul-crushing, body shattering milieu which the so-called IIT gives its students. It is easier to express than to feel. I will never like to look back at what happened. May be it does not deserve to be thought about. Obviously my life has no place for coconuts.

Now, i wish for a new sun, a new environment, a new semester, a new thinking, a new Sachin. While i am more thoughful and working harder to restore the fruitful relationships i built over the years with my friends, at the same time i am also trying to be somebody who can be relied upon entirely. A little more trustworthy. This semester i wish i can concentrate only on my studies and career. I will work hard for it. I aspire to be a little more ruthless if i be hurt and with a little more proving attitude. But one thing is certain. I donot have any reason to be the person i used to be.

If you ever fall down in life, you have only two two options: either stay down or get up. I have chosen the latter. So let me start. A lot of work is pending. And this time, Jerry will also be around. So overall a new dawn !

An Unseen Chum..

She is from Delhi, a place i have enough reasons to hate. I havenot seen her. I hardly know anything about her. Yet i feel she is a great buddy, a close one. I don't know why she feels like talking to me or why i send messages to her? Of course, i have not seen her but i expect to meet her soon. In this globalized world, friends are on a click of the mouse. Her voice has innocence and freshness. Usually i am not too loquacious with girls but she makes me feel comfortable as if we know each other since many years. The ease with which she talks is great and she must be having many friends. And ya she is so cool, cooler than ice. Hehe. She makes me laugh on some really small and stupid things. A little moron, a little weirdo and a great chum. I remember she once asked where i belonged to. I replied that i m an indian and she felt very nice. Likewise, many of her spontaneous answers make me laugh. I can't stop pulling her leg. Her spontaneous answers bring smile on my face.

She often impresses me with her intelligence and makes me feel that she deserves to be at IIT and i should be thrown out. :-) Her "Yesh" is a word in the voice of a girl with a childish heart. More optimistic, more naughty, more considerate and may be more caring than me. I think the only difference between us is that she lives and enjoys her life more completely than me. She's very honest in her words and i never mind any of them.

That's Proton alias chotu scientist alias sonu for me. I am lucky to have this dumbo friend. Hope we remain good friends for times to come. Hey dumbo, You rock.. ! And yes, I don't hate Delhi anymore..!!

Rain and distress...

Its may and already there have been two sessions of downpour at Kgp. Its raining outside. The atmosphere here is so serene and such great silence. Enough that a person can talk to himself completely without any disturbance.

They are putting up new infrastructure here and all my classrooms are AC now. I do not feel like going home. Off lately i have made a new net friend and i feel happy about it. My life is just not clicking. But it should get going soon.

I have stopped watching movies completely coz they make me sentimental now. Don't know what more changes i have to bring in myself to adjust my life :-( . On one side, i am here trying to resurrect and collect my broken bits and pieces and on the other Alice must be enjoying her new found life. One thing is for sure. I will not do anything that compromises my reputation, my good will or hurt her. Otherwise, what's the difference between both of us?
Thanks to Isha. She called after a long time. She's a true friend.

A good qoute..

Today i came across a brain-storming quote. It said, " Don't make someone a priority in your life when you are just an option in his life". Is it really so? I don't know. I just know that i have been honest and i will remain honest.

Its so lonely here. I wait to hear that tring-tring when Alice will call on my phone. That's life...