Khamoshi...

"Shaam bhi thi dhuan dhuan,

Wo bhi thi udaas udaas,

Dil ko kai kahaaniyan,

Bas yaad si aake reh gayi..."

Nice lines... Human beings are one crazy species. Sometimes we get so above our self that we forget to see that the world is not like as we see it. There are practicalities... There are some obligations.. There are some responsibilities... Some good things to be done and some good things to receive... And of course, we always have the easiest option.. Turn our back onto them and live the life of Alice in wonderland..! But that all is fiction.. Life is real...

Ok that i am on the receiving end this time. Whatever is happening right now is terrible. It can't get worse than this.. And this also teaches who is on my side. I don't know my future but certainly i can make it a bright one... Don't know what people get by making somebody sad and avoiding them as if they rule us and we are at their mercy... But those who have grit always see the positive side. Life me kuch to aur accha hoga... Life is like a flowing river.. It never stops...I pray that i remain always available to those who really need me.

Good night Google.. You are way better than some friends.. At least you never ditch...At least you share my pain.. At least you are not fake... At least you always have time for me...

Unanswered....

All of us have a lot of things that we never say thinking that once life gets okay, we will pour our heart. But life seldom allows that. There are volcanoes in my heart wanting to erupt and how long can i tame them? After all, i too am human.. So here it is....

There was a boy. Fed up of his profs, he wanted to do a Ph.D solely because he knew that he would make a far better prof than the ones available in India. Definitely he also wanted to contribute to research in his field of interest. The boy was average in terms of grades, but he believed that grades can never measure a person's true potential. Research & Analysis was his stronghold. All his well wishers and friends knew that this was his calling and that he will pursue it one day. It was just of question of 'when' and never a question of why..?

We all have our own sweet relationships. We try to do and make the special ones feel as happy as possible. Of course our ways of doing that are different but the objective is same. So one day, the boy was told the importance of money by his special friend. The boy was surprised for a while, but after deliberating for some time concluded that the advice was good for both of them. He could always come back for Ph.D. after some years. Right now the important thing would be to collect some money as that would also make his special friend happy.

Time progressed. The boy and his special friend graduated. Both moved into same city and the boy started of his arduous journey of being a corporate slave. He had no complaints because he was doing what his special friend wanted. As we know that moving up the ladder is important early in life because as we age, our chances of being competitive and our enthusiasm both go down. The boy knowing this well tried to work as hard as possible. He worked day and night trying to make a mark and to climb up the ladder as soon as possible. He kept aside his dream of going into research and set a personal target to reach the Rupee Millionaire mark in 3 years. Once you reach that figure, life becomes much more comfortable and you can enjoy life in your own ways. You can splurge without thinking and all the basic things of life can be taken for granted. 

He also encountered some surprise changes in life. He was working for 10 hours a day spending 3 hours in travel. But he tried to tide over the change and move on. However nothing comes free. As he worked that hard, he could take out less time for his special friend. He tried to keep his Sundays for his friend rather than taking rest. The traveling on Sundays itself was hectic but then we never complain for our special ones. So the boy ran and he ran like a brave horse trying to manage his work and his personal life. Finally he made his mark and got recognized. He got promoted in first year itself. Naturally now he came closer to his target of  being a Rupee Millionaire. He became a senior, people in his corporation started calling him "Sir", a thing which we all desire that it would happen someday in our life. And boy we really feel special about it. Now he could take rest as he had proved his mark. But something shocking happened...

Suddenly he saw that his special friend, who advised him that money is important in life, cursing him for being busy. Yeah he was. But then no body earns money by sitting idle ! Suddenly he became boring. Yeah he became, because by Sunday his body had already worked for 78 hours with a 6 hour sleep every day. His life was changing and he was trying his best to balance both his target and his special friend. He was still focused on the larger cause of bike, house and thereafter a happy and lovely family.

And then one day his special friend left the city..... The boy was speechless and today he has a few questions of which he does not have the answer...

1. Was it worth it? Was it only the onus of the boy to make things go great?

2. Did the boy gained anything by setting aside his research dreams and chasing money, a thing his special friend considered important that time?

3. Did the boy get 'unconditional' support of his special friend ever?

4. Barring two instances, the special friend never found time to travel to boy's place/home in full 15 months but expected the boy to see her every week. The special friend never called up at the boy's office number. Did his special friend tried to help the boy for the greater cause?

5. What did both gained at the end?

6. Patience is the key to success. Was 15 months of hard times enough to tear them apart and test their grit?

Some lines on friendship

Success has many fathers but failure has none. I believe friends can be classified between these two categories. A good friend (or a best friend) may not be there with you in your happy times, but he will ALWAYS be there during your bad times because he knows at that time you need him the most. That also reflects that a good friend is always devoid of selfishness. He may not want his share of cake or party, but he will never allow you to lose your precious tears. He will always be there to hug you to make you feel happy and regain your confidence. I have always tried to become a friend like this and i will continue to do that.... 

All those who laugh, celebrate with us during our good times are fake. We need to ask ourselves were they ever present when we needed them most? So..... Did the boy ever left his special friend in lurch whenever she needed support or was unhappy? And was the special friend always present for the boy?

Untitled.....

And this time, she is damn true. It's important to be adventurous and lively in life. I admire that whenever she is true, she is always bang on target. Or else, she will keep me busy with her really funny acts.

I remember, i was really full of surprises all the time and it used to be very hard to predict what i could do next. But i lost myself somewhere in the last few months amidst this corporate slavery. I think i this is what they call the work-life imbalance. The transition from campus to corporate has not been smooth for me, as i expected. I have fucked up many things. I have really handled all this in a very novice way. No wonder, i named this post 'Untitled'...

Today was a Sunday and i was working! :-/ That's not bad. But i should take time out for everybody, at least all the special ones. Otherwise what's the purpose of all this hard work? I should concentrate on life's happiness, the things which "really" make me happy from the inner soul, the people who make me smile, and somewhere in between i will regain my lost time. 

I really need to start biking. That's a thing which will keep me happy. I want to explore the real India which lives around roads. I want to tour. And i need not wait more. This October will start on a good note i feel. I thank God that i found the real problem which is ME. 

I have acted very lousy and therefore it is natural for anybody to get angry. All this in-activeness has eaten into many things. I have acted in a very destructive way, made my relation from bad to worse, but i have to come up. Its never too late. At least i need to start some long pending things which i ignored since long time. 

I thank God that slowly i am taking a new approach to life, which is full of smiles and inner happiness. I should do what makes me happy and keeps my special ones happy while maintaining my job. When i look back, the past year has really told me so many things about me. God give me strength to change myself...

Horizon

Had little free time today after i was free from the routine weekend chores. Went to the 8th floor terrace of my apartment.

Sometimes its really feels amazing to look the sky. Far away trees, buildings can be seen if the locality is not cluttered and yes the horizon...! Horizon reminds you that sky has a limit and earth also has a limit. It was amazing to see the horizon today while i also plugged in music to soothe my ears. Slowly the sunlight was receding and far off places became less visible. But the view was magnificent, beyond words... I came down after 2 hours and by that time, it was all darkness.

We hardly take off time to enjoy the nature. But when i do that, it feels nice and pure.. My 2 hours were well spent on the terrace with slow music in the background. Just remembered that i forgot to have dinner but a biscuit always helps :)

From tomorrow, again office..day by day, minute by minute... Life has become uni dimensional, hectic and little frustrating.. But i have no serious complaints.. I will go on... 

Back to Square one....

Life has been strange for me so far. Past few days have been hectic. I was preparing for good but somehow everything has turned out to be bad, maybe worse. But morning follows darkness. So i am not too much worried. Any way i never lose faith in my abilities and may be of others too.

I easily get along with lot of people. They have taught me various things. But may be its time to understand now that promises are meant to be broken. That some words just have no meaning. They are spoken just for the sake of it!

There are instances when something unexpected happens, something terribly goes wrong, something which you can't fix just because it's not in your hands. Sometimes, i wonder whether there is any other way out to live in this world beyond 'tit-for-tat' theory. But a small corner of my heart says i should remain what i am, no matter how many times i fall. I should stay straight and take on everything head-on. Its hard but not impossible, for nature and character is what makes you a man and a true human being. No matter how much money Dhirubhai Ambani earned, he is still small....very small in front of a comparatively modest Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam when it comes to gain respect. I want to be somebody like him.

No matter how many movies SRK acts in, people still associate Aamir Khan with best quality and innovative movies with a social message. These instances just teach us that we should live life on our own but legitimate terms. You can't run around whole life pleasing undeserving people and acting good. Those who deserve us better, will get the best of us no matter how. Those who don't deserve us will anyhow lose us. Those who deserve us will understand us. Those who don't, they won't. Its just a game and we all have to play it without any choice.

Till date i have enjoyed life the way i wanted it to be. When i look back, i want to remembered as somebody who can be blindly trusted, who is friendly yet command respect, who is serious yet truthful, who will go out of the way to help and will never express that. Feeling very bad today but still I am proud to possess a little bit of all these qualities and want to proceed in the chosen direction. As somebody said, "if you don't know where to go, it doesn't matter which road you take"...

Big Egos, Small Men....

Continuing from the past post, this one is to reiterate the same. Egos become big and people become small. We often try to project to others as if we are happy. More so, if we recently got trapped into a brawl. But somewhere in the process of projection, we lose ourselves. For being happy is never complaining, but projecting to be happy is! The ingenuity of human mind is great. Rather than putting it in useful things, we waste it in innovative ideas of show-off and comparison. No two people are different. Hence maintaining one's individuality becomes important. Somewhere in the process of ceasefire, we should not forget who we are. 

February month has been great so far. The twists and turns were amazing. I got to learn valuable lessons. Modern love is more spoken and less felt. People can stay away without caring for others. But it somehow misses the point that most of us are dependent on our close ones. If i say i am not, it just means that i am being a hypocrite. The very thought of what is happening amazes me to great extent. People say things which are great to hear. But unfortunately most of them are just said and hardly practiced.

I have tried to behave good and i am innately good. No doubt about that. I cannot show off and i cannot project my false image. If somebody needs me the most, i will be there without any purposes. That's how i am, that's how i have been. Keeping people above me and helping them till they smile. But unfortunately some body is teaching me the other way round... 'Big egos, small men'.....

Arbit Thoughts

"Ek baat honthon tak hai jo aayi nahin,
Bas aankhon se hai jhaankti,
Tum se kabhi, mujhse kabhi, kuch lavz hai wo maangti....

Jinko pehen ke honthon tak aa jaye wo,
Awaaz ki baahon me baahein daal kar ithlaaye wo,
lekin jo ye ek baat hai, ehsaas hi ehsaas hai..."

Very nice lines but so true. In these modern times, where egos are big and people small, the above lines often fit in somehow. You want to say many things but keep mum just to show off how egoistic you are.. The times go by and we are left, just to imagine how the good times were. People don't realize when they go through this. Unfortunately the rule of nature is that you only realize the value of something when you have lost it or when its too late. That, people and relations are far more important than money. Money can fetch you happiness but it can never fetch you the hands you need when you are ill, or when you are down or when you are in trouble. Then egos become small and people seem big automatically.  

Man is such a selfish animal, yes animal. Thats because he realizes what he wanted all through his life only on his death bed. And during his life, he wanders like an animal. Lets the good times pass by easily and cribs  about the wrong times.

At times, we go weak on people we love. But then we have to stand up some day and take a strong stand so that we can move on. After all, its painfully wrong if somebody takes you for granted. To me, silence is the most powerful means of communication. It reveals more than it covers. It tells more than it keeps mum. Idiots may take somebody's silence as his/her weakness but then they are idiots. You don't have to worry about them for if they care about you, they will turn up. There is a limit to how much good a person can be but at the end of the day, he is human after all..!

Its better to spend time with those who actually can appreciate its worth, who make you happy, who can acknowledge that you are spending 'your' time on them and that's the beauty of it, who will and will always be there and not temporarily turn up as and when they want, who are TRUE friends and not temporary or transient ones, who will put 'you' before they put themselves, who will put 'us' before 'me', who will go to great lengths to keep you happy and not let their egos come in between, who will be permanently sure about you and who will feel proud that they are your friends. I have some of them and thank God that he found me worth them.

I read somewhere that we should keep away from negative people and negative company because they affect your performance, your style and your precious time. I am a self driven person. I decide my own path. I decide whom to keep happy. I have never lost so far in what i have decided. Time has come to give everybody his/her due...