Lesson 1 - Never go out of your way

One of the most amazing things about boys is how they feel about girls. I have, in my life, learned a few lessons which i will summarize on my blog in phases. They may be hard hitting, practical and obnoxious but then i have the right to express myself through what i have seen & the blog also is aptly titled as "My life, My views". 

So here is Lesson No. 1 - Never go out of your way, if it is not worth it

Conventionally, majority of boys have some feelings for girls, even if the girls are complete strangers to them. We try to be nice to the fairer sex in our own unique ways. However, remember that a majority of your good deeds will go unnoticed or will lose their value after a point of time.You may be doing good today because you are inherently good but always ask to yourself, "is it worth it??" 

You may go out of your way to help your girlfriend at times. Majority of boys do that. Not because they have been instructed to do so by the Divine soul but they do so out of their own wishes. The motive may be to put an impression on her, to brighten that sweet smile, so get a pat on their back, to get to hear some sweet words out of her mouth, to get respect even! But all that is short lived. Well, life is very practical these days. Things like honestly, discipline, love, fairness, tenderness, feelings are of little importance. They have been clobbered hard and obliterated by handsomeness, dudeness, adventure, coolness etc. 

So you may be nice to your girlfriend, you may go out of your way to make her smile, you may dance with her in the rain, you will rectify her computer/laptop countless times while sacrificing your time and may be studies, you may get her umpteen number of coffees, you may help format her documents in MS-Word, you may accompany her to malls or movies, you may also help her buy electronic gadgets including laptops, you may help her figure that goddamn train reservation, you may celebrate her birthday in style, you may invite all your friends on your pocket money to make her feel special, you may motivate her when she would be feeling low, you may sit patiently listening to her about how her day went by, you may overpraise her in front of your friends and you may even help her with her resume which may get her an interview call all over the world but would still fail to raise your profile in front of her BUT...

ASK yourself before doing all these things, is it really worth it? Does she really love you? Will doing this cement the feelings mutually or would it still be one-sided? ASK would you be nice to a girl, at the COST of your precious time,energy & may be money, just for her momentous appreciation when she herself may hesitate? Will you bunk your classes if she can't bunk hers? If she is your wife, or if she reciprocates your feelings with equal force, then you SHOULD go to any extent for her including everything mentioned above. But, if she is hesitant, has no reciprocation or feelings towards you, or always asks for favours and never gives them, then NEVER ever go out of your way to help any girl, if she is not worth it...

Remember world is big and its always the slow and steady who wins the race. You will eventually/in due course of time, find a true soul mate. Therefore never go out of your way to help those who don't deserve it. Otherwise its quite possible that even after doing all those countless good things, one day you may find yourself alone on a hospital bed and left with no body on your side but pain, waiting endlessly for the same precious smile, words and warmth that you once helped to achieve, to heel your wounds... If you still feel like lending a helping hand, do that but don't expect anything in return, not even a phone call..

And..... Veeru left Jai........

This Valentine.....Love will be murdered...says the tagline of a new Bollywood movie. I have lots of thoughts scampering in my mind as to how to start this post. I will start with the incident that happened Today morning. 

Scene 1

Vipin (my friend and office mate) to me: Abe, aaj to valentine day hai... Kya plan hai? Teri to aish....

I just smiled but could not say anything.

Vipin: Kya hua, ladaai hui?

He looked at me, scanned through my eyes, his eyes piercing my heart and understood that i don't want to say anything. Thereafter, we both turned our heads in opposite directions and started looking out of the car windows.

Scene 2
My office senior: Hey, i was expecting that you will not come to the office.
I smiled.
Me: Mam, even i was expecting the same for you! (She was of course excited, as it was her first valentine day after marriage last year. But still she chose to come to office for some professional obligations.)
My office senior: Anyways, Happy Valentine's day to "both" of you ! To aaj IISc jaaega na?
I smiled again. And i could not say a word further. 
Me: No mam, will go home. She understood something is wrong and then didn't attempt to get into my personal zone.

Such are the life incidences that they remain with you forever. Exactly 45 months ago, on May 13, 2009, i was greeted by an sms at 8 PM in the night (I still have it). They met in a fantastic way. Little did i know that Veeru will become a great friend and much more in no time. And today, Veeru has left Jai. 

Good to see that Veeru matured a lot (may be more than Jai) in these "almost" 4 years. Jai remember Veeru as a young, never-lived-in-hostel, girl who was unable to contain her tears when her father left campus, one who would roam with Jai in the campus and accompany him to his Poll-Khol trips, who will make fun of Profs and live life to the fullest. God, those were THE days! She made Jai work hard, inspired Jai to a large extent, let Jai explore his potential, disciplined Jai a little and of course, amazed Jai with her multiple talents.  In those days, problems were less. Even if they mounted, both could solve them mutually. Roaming was fun and daily hangout together was a must, accompanied by an occasional round of onion maggie or idli sambhar or Veeru's favourite hot coffee.

But they had their share of bad luck. Lost in the intricacies of making their career, both Veeru and Jai drifted apart. Okay, but, to err is human! Veeru became much mature after she graduated. Now she is able to take decisions. Jai does not figure in her latest decision. What went wrong, nobody knows. And may be Veeru does not want to explain. Jai hopes that Veeru would not have based her decision solely on the events that occurred in the past 12 months. That would form a bad sample size as they spent nearly 43 months with each other :P

But what i still feel about them is that they were great together. May be, something somewhere didn't click. But then we all make adjustments in life. Nothing is perfect. Both were truthful and honest to each other, a rarity in modern times. Nevertheless, Veeru left Jai. And now Jai has nothing to do except his job. Veeru is again busy with her life and Jai has always maintained that whatever Veeru does, she would do well.

This Valentine, Jai pays tribute to a great relation which could have gone places, but because of compatibility reasons, could not gather wings to fly. Still, if some thing is over, it does not lessen its value. Indeed the times which both of them spent together were great. Both respected each other. Both still respect each other. Jai is disappointed but still hails Veeru that she could share whatever she thought about their relation. Definitely both will change as life moves on, but they could have done that together. Nevertheless, Thank you Veeru, you could not understand Jai's love but yes without you, Jai would not have lived his share of happiness in life.

Khamoshi...

"Shaam bhi thi dhuan dhuan,

Wo bhi thi udaas udaas,

Dil ko kai kahaaniyan,

Bas yaad si aake reh gayi..."

Nice lines... Human beings are one crazy species. Sometimes we get so above our self that we forget to see that the world is not like as we see it. There are practicalities... There are some obligations.. There are some responsibilities... Some good things to be done and some good things to receive... And of course, we always have the easiest option.. Turn our back onto them and live the life of Alice in wonderland..! But that all is fiction.. Life is real...

Ok that i am on the receiving end this time. Whatever is happening right now is terrible. It can't get worse than this.. And this also teaches who is on my side. I don't know my future but certainly i can make it a bright one... Don't know what people get by making somebody sad and avoiding them as if they rule us and we are at their mercy... But those who have grit always see the positive side. Life me kuch to aur accha hoga... Life is like a flowing river.. It never stops...I pray that i remain always available to those who really need me.

Good night Google.. You are way better than some friends.. At least you never ditch...At least you share my pain.. At least you are not fake... At least you always have time for me...

Unanswered....

All of us have a lot of things that we never say thinking that once life gets okay, we will pour our heart. But life seldom allows that. There are volcanoes in my heart wanting to erupt and how long can i tame them? After all, i too am human.. So here it is....

There was a boy. Fed up of his profs, he wanted to do a Ph.D solely because he knew that he would make a far better prof than the ones available in India. Definitely he also wanted to contribute to research in his field of interest. The boy was average in terms of grades, but he believed that grades can never measure a person's true potential. Research & Analysis was his stronghold. All his well wishers and friends knew that this was his calling and that he will pursue it one day. It was just of question of 'when' and never a question of why..?

We all have our own sweet relationships. We try to do and make the special ones feel as happy as possible. Of course our ways of doing that are different but the objective is same. So one day, the boy was told the importance of money by his special friend. The boy was surprised for a while, but after deliberating for some time concluded that the advice was good for both of them. He could always come back for Ph.D. after some years. Right now the important thing would be to collect some money as that would also make his special friend happy.

Time progressed. The boy and his special friend graduated. Both moved into same city and the boy started of his arduous journey of being a corporate slave. He had no complaints because he was doing what his special friend wanted. As we know that moving up the ladder is important early in life because as we age, our chances of being competitive and our enthusiasm both go down. The boy knowing this well tried to work as hard as possible. He worked day and night trying to make a mark and to climb up the ladder as soon as possible. He kept aside his dream of going into research and set a personal target to reach the Rupee Millionaire mark in 3 years. Once you reach that figure, life becomes much more comfortable and you can enjoy life in your own ways. You can splurge without thinking and all the basic things of life can be taken for granted. 

He also encountered some surprise changes in life. He was working for 10 hours a day spending 3 hours in travel. But he tried to tide over the change and move on. However nothing comes free. As he worked that hard, he could take out less time for his special friend. He tried to keep his Sundays for his friend rather than taking rest. The traveling on Sundays itself was hectic but then we never complain for our special ones. So the boy ran and he ran like a brave horse trying to manage his work and his personal life. Finally he made his mark and got recognized. He got promoted in first year itself. Naturally now he came closer to his target of  being a Rupee Millionaire. He became a senior, people in his corporation started calling him "Sir", a thing which we all desire that it would happen someday in our life. And boy we really feel special about it. Now he could take rest as he had proved his mark. But something shocking happened...

Suddenly he saw that his special friend, who advised him that money is important in life, cursing him for being busy. Yeah he was. But then no body earns money by sitting idle ! Suddenly he became boring. Yeah he became, because by Sunday his body had already worked for 78 hours with a 6 hour sleep every day. His life was changing and he was trying his best to balance both his target and his special friend. He was still focused on the larger cause of bike, house and thereafter a happy and lovely family.

And then one day his special friend left the city..... The boy was speechless and today he has a few questions of which he does not have the answer...

1. Was it worth it? Was it only the onus of the boy to make things go great?

2. Did the boy gained anything by setting aside his research dreams and chasing money, a thing his special friend considered important that time?

3. Did the boy get 'unconditional' support of his special friend ever?

4. Barring two instances, the special friend never found time to travel to boy's place/home in full 15 months but expected the boy to see her every week. The special friend never called up at the boy's office number. Did his special friend tried to help the boy for the greater cause?

5. What did both gained at the end?

6. Patience is the key to success. Was 15 months of hard times enough to tear them apart and test their grit?

Some lines on friendship

Success has many fathers but failure has none. I believe friends can be classified between these two categories. A good friend (or a best friend) may not be there with you in your happy times, but he will ALWAYS be there during your bad times because he knows at that time you need him the most. That also reflects that a good friend is always devoid of selfishness. He may not want his share of cake or party, but he will never allow you to lose your precious tears. He will always be there to hug you to make you feel happy and regain your confidence. I have always tried to become a friend like this and i will continue to do that.... 

All those who laugh, celebrate with us during our good times are fake. We need to ask ourselves were they ever present when we needed them most? So..... Did the boy ever left his special friend in lurch whenever she needed support or was unhappy? And was the special friend always present for the boy?