Macha Diya.....!!

I wrote my last post setting the objectives for the first Quarter of FY 2014-15 and what a quarter it has been! Suffice to say, Macha diya...! So many happy, joyous, prosperous and once-in-a-lifetime things happened that i am forced to write about all of them so that i cherish them for long. 

April 14

• The first month of the quarter started with a bang. Another high performance year and consequently another bumper appraisal. Consistent potential delivered. Obviously the responsibilities will increase, but then i never shied away from them. I am happy that the financial targets i thought to achieve after the age of 30 have been achieved much before that! 

• Just after that, i went to Kerala. The place seriously has something and i am in awe of it. So beautiful is the state that i forgot all my tiredness once i reached there. I covered 2 cities and the roaming was worth it. The beaches were serene, the people helpful, the nature at its best and the only trees i could see were coconut! God's Own Country? Yes it is..! The breath taking sereneness just caught my eye and i wanted to live there for a few more days.

• Another World IP Day. Another Chief Guest but same host and same anchor! The program was a runaway hit and i am glad about the feed backs received. The IIT-IIM educated speaker nailed it and i am glad to have conversed with him. I was also awarded for leading a project from the front and demonstrating my potential. 

 May 14

• Having conquered April, i was in high spirits. My spirits hit the roof in May when i was invited for the first time in career as a lead speaker for a conference at a prominent well known college. I could not pursue Ph.D. but that has not affected my passion to impart knowledge. My first talk as a corporate speaker was super-hit. The professors, external participants, Ph.D and M.Tech students equally liked it. So much so that the 2 hours allotted to me went on to become 3 hours and i kept on speaking naturally. I had to face a flurry of questions but i enjoyed patiently answering each one of them. I earned a lot of knowledge and the confidence to face 50 year olds in life. To my surprise, i was paid handsomely for this one ! 

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•  That's not all. I went on my first bike trip of this quarter. My biker gang made a plan and we had a gala time. Sometimes it is good to forget the turns, take wrong roads, forget the GPS and maps, and just ride.... in the cool breeze that is abundant in South India. We took a wrong turn and the scenary that ensued was so serene that no body wanted to check where we were! 250 kms and all completed in 6 hours flat! The haunted sea bed that we discovered with no one in sight and the way we jumped in the water like mad souls was just too good. Sometimes, it is also best not to think anything and just jump in the water.... :)  

  

June 2014

• With so many good things and experiences already completed in so little time, it was time for another adventure. To go to the southernmost part of India....Kanyakumari! That too when monsoons just started. I swear to God that i have not seen such mad clouds, so many wind mills and so many natural things in one go. The feeling that i was at the southernmost point of India was inexplicable. Visiting the Vivekananda Rock memorial made me more patriotic when i could not anything further except the Ocean. It was the time of my life. The subsequent temple visits bettered the experience.

After a not so good 2013, this year is proving to be great. I am happy that God has kept his good eye on me. I am indebted to thy for ever. He has tested my patience oft and on, but has always rewarded me handsomely at the end. I am sure that many more places, many more talks, many bike trips and many more professional wins are ahead of me.  With so much already done in Q1 along with managing my job, i am sure that i am ready for a more thrilling Q2.

When i will read this post after some years, i might wonder about the Q1 FY 15 and the good thrills and tasks completed in so less time. Any how its documented now!

Plan FY 15

Come April 2014 and so many things to take place starting from appraisal first. Corporates have the uncanny ability to plan their life according to the financial year and not according to calender year. Hahaha..! Failing to plan is sure shot way of planning to fail. So April FY 15 would see a grand change to apni lifestyle. 

Looking forward to my first trip to God's own country and some grand parties in April ! May is packed for a central Karnataka trip and June i am going to Kanyakumari...! God this is like a dream i cherished for long ! Yes the southern most part of India which i always dreamt of in textbooks and now it would be a realization. The motto of Q1 FY 15 would be to work hard and roam harder :P I intend to throw away my laziness which has clung on to me off-lately. Q2 is any how full of holidays and planning to test my Fazer to full throttle. Q3 would be planned later and Q4 would be to trounce work targets.

In FY 14, i had spend so much time on late night movie shows. It would be reduced to just 1 per month. I think that's adequate. FY 15 will also be marked with important changes on personal front. I am so so looking forward to it. More time to family, little less to friends and no time to foes. 

My Vaio would remain packed for most part of the year and i would try to largely avoid social media in FY15. Social media is the most unsocial way ever created to socialize. It is a modern way to waste your precious time which is invented by Mark Zuckerberg and Sergey brin. They themselves are efficient, timely and rich but want the world to see each other's idiotic photos and comments and thus to waste its precious time and stay poor! 

FY 15 would also be devoted to more effective sleep and more of exercise. Off lately, i have missed many gym sessions and i would try to be more regular. Want to see a leaner body full of infectious energy to take on this world. Jai Ho....!

Bhaag Milkha Bhaag (rock version) playing in the backdrop and adding to my enthu !

 

My Bike and me....

Wanting to just run away from this life at 100 kmph on my bike somewhere on the highways of India. The mast student-turned-corporate slave-turned-biker had this feeling through out this valentine day. Read a really beautiful line posted by one of my long forgotten friends, but worth attaching as pic. 

 

So even though i am single now, I did pray and remembered my ex-valentine with whom i share some really cherishable and good moments over the years. I wished good for her and actually felt good !  

But as the day went down and sun closed its arms, i was badly missing someone. It is usually in these situations that real men turn to their bikes, their true valentines. I did some really fast, zip-zap-zoom and defying ride at law breaking speeds. In fully kitted up riding avatar with my riding jacket, gloves, fiery helmet and shoes on, i looked no more than an alien on road. But in the end, my faithful valentine did not ditch and the evening was well spent with her. We had coffee and then started for home. There is some inexplicable thing that connect bikers with their bikes. Having lived, seen, experienced and surrounded by bikes through these years, i am in love with some of them. I really love Hyosung Aquila 250. The bike defines me. It defines my life which has been like a journey taking me from good roads, to potholes and briefly stopping by for some unconventional scenic beauties and then again...... to good roads to potholes!  

But just like real valentines, this one costs to much for my pocket as of now. Nonetheless some day, I will get the true valentine of my dreams, THE Hyosung Aquila 250. We Indians always prefer money over pleasure. Some idiot folks would say, "itne me to car aa jaati !". Somebody explain to them that "four wheels move a body, two wheels move the soul". Only a biker/bike lover can understand that. 

I really like the caption for my present bike: " The touring spirit - Because for some, one life is enough".  And that's the end. Me and my valentine..... 

The love of my life.... :)

And i am back after a while to my best friend here...

Today, a corner of my heart wants to write something about the true love of my life. I dont know how to say and what to say but i will. Whenever i am free, I talk to myself through this blog. This blog has shown and documented the real 'me' since 2008. It has been through me in the ups and downs in my personal and professional life. So far, the only constant in my life! It is here that you started liking me and acknowleding my writing prowess. I read once that a person's importance in your life is determined when you miss him incessently after the person leaves. Then we want to do everything for him/her which we were unable to do because we were tied up in the entangled threads of life. I have been no different.

I am one of few unlucky persons who found a lovely lady and ended up losing her. I admit it with honesty. My mornings are cold now, nights lonely. Its been almost a year but she changed the way i live my life now. I am no more a slave to money, rather a friend. Its been more than 6 months since i have touched a ciggarette stick. I watch a movie once every fortnight. I am not a crazy workaholic i once was. I do go for outings and spend quiet time with nature. I now want to visit all the places she visited but i will take them one by one. Recently i visited a Tamilnadu village and a dam nearby. So quiet, simple and sober that i was cursing myself that it would have been great had we came together here a year back.

Boys take the matter of love very differently than girls and it is hard to understand and explain how. Sometimes, a sadness prevails starkly during night while i struggle to find the reasons for my existence and my failures. But her bubbly face flashes before me and i forget all my pains. And this helps me to sleep. Life has been painful after she departed but i have managed to live it with the best of my abilities and honouring all my commitments without letting anybody know that i am not happy somewhere. I do feel a big void everyday in my life as i do not get to laugh on crazy acts of her, replying to her flurry of questions some of which would make me laugh to the core of my heart and stomach as well, listening to those sweet songs and sipping that piping hot special tulsi tea. I tried making similar tea many times but while i successfully made the tea, the soul of it was missing. I would never match the love, details and care with which it was prepared by her. I will never forgive myself for dishonouring one such cup of tea and throwing the cup away, breaking it into pieces. That must have broke her heart as much as i feel the pain now. I learnt that not all mistakes are forgiveable and this one will remain with me till my last breath.

Mathikere is my favourite place in Bangalore now as it was there that i spent all my good times but realized it a bit later. I do go there for coming to peace with myself and eating good north indian food. The Tutty fruity and Delhi paranthas are always a treat to eat, unlike the idli-vada and sambhar i eat daily at my workplace. I am barely able to stop myself from smiling when i see the "Pavitra wines" label on top of the only wine shop present there knowing well that the accompanying smile partner is missing now. However not everything is gloomy. My weekends are not occupied now and i am free to think about her as much as i want. And that is something no body can take away from me – My space and My thoughts.

I do check her blog everyday to know if she wrote something. I do stare at her facebook wall occasionally to check how she looks now and if there is any pic that she made public. I do check mails everyday to see if there is any new mail for my 'Times of remember' folder. I want to just say that despite the mistakes i did, despite the problems i created, despite the rudeness i showed, despite the cup i broke, despite making her spend some lonely moments, despite the time i could not spend with her, despite the hatred she have shown for me and despite the fact that she is not here now, i love her and would keep loving her. She has moved on but her memories, acts, smiles, tears and the moments are with me always guiding me to become a better me. That she has left me does not make me sad but remembering that she once loved me does. Thanks to her for making me understand how it feels to know when you are actually in love madly, deeply and sanely with someone. To quote from her words sms'ed to me a few years ago, I hope God is probably busy in writing another best love story for me, somewhere.

Music...

Jaane ye kaisi kashish hai, ek pal me gaya dil yun pass tumhare...

Toot ke girte hain jaise zameen par, aksar raaton me sitaare..

Beautiful lines and soulful music.

But then, thats me....

Reading old posts can be dangerous. They tell you that the world has changed a lot, but we are still the same. I got hold of one of my old posts, which said "Start of a new dawn".. So optimistic was me that time! But good start does not mean good end. The end is always in the hands of others. Successful marriage is (also) in the hands of the wife, successful marks in the hands of a teacher. Similarly your happiness can be in the hands of others. 

Well, my "start of a new dawn" of 2009 has come to an end in 2013. It is in dusk mode now. I have to start all over again. I hate those people (and to the core of my heart) in my life who never let me stabilize, who took (or take) advantage of my good behaviour and nature, and who now shed crocodile tears telling me that i am good guy and that they want to see me happy! As if i did not know about me. But they forget that earth is round, the universe is also round and that life is also round. What you throw comes back at you at some point of time. You meet people again someday. Life comes to a full circle atleast once in lifetime.   

I am a believer of good things. I do good and i believe that if i do good to people, good things will automatically happen to me. I am happy with who i am. But i am unhappy with how people are. Even my greatest friends (male/female) have made me feel that they are somewhere selfish. But little do they know that a hospital patient does not require CT Scan machine but a helping hand who can calm him/her down. Life thus comes to a full circle. Selfishness has to make way for inclusiveness someday. Somebody told me that its written. Maktub...! 

May be my thoughts are novel. May be i am over sensitive. May be i dont express. May be i am an altruist. May be i dont make people realize that i am sad somewhere. May be i am/was always available for them, when they are/were never available for me. But then, thats me..... And thats my talent. And my biggest achievement is that even my enemies talk to me, appreciate me. Thats a rare talent to find/hear and very tough one to achieve. 

So as Raj Kapoor sings..... Sajan re jhooth mat bolo, khuda ke pass jana hai... Na haathi hai na ghoda hai, wahan paidal hi jana hai.... Bura keeje bura hoga,, bhala keeje bhala hoga.

Or as Hoobastank sings.... "You look for all that's wrong, instead of all that is right..1 Does it feel good to you... ?"

Historical rememberance

May 1994: I was 8 years old when my mausaji died of heart attack. That time, i did not know the meaning of heart attack even. I saw my mausi crying as she was only 30 years old then. That was the first death i ever encountered in my life.

4th June 1995: Barely a year later, i was 9 and my maternal grandfather died of liver cancer and multiple organ failure. He was so close to me. He used to encourage me so much. He was the one who took me actually to studies. I used to study hard as he always promised a grand gift if i topped my class. And luckily, i used to stand among top 3 in my class year after year while in school. Still i got those gifts. Those were good days. I was really struck when nanaji left me. He used to bring jalebis for me to eat, toys to play with and comics to read (i can still read comics full night!). All that came from him. 

He used to come back from work late in night. And i draw inspiration from him. He used to go everywhere with a gunner as he was the chief cashier. Every time the gunner entered my house, i used to run inside as i was afraid of his long rifle. But he too was a nice man. Traveling around Lucknow in a car and with a gunner felt so high class those days! Nevertheless, nanaji left me. That was my first encounter with the feeling of losing a beloved person. I cried along with the whole family. Unfortunately, because i was too young, i was not taken to his funeral.  Still i could not sleep for days after his death.

13th July 1999:  13th is considered a bad date in India. I lost my elder mamaji just 4 years after i lost my nanaji. He was 29 years old that time. He died in a painful road accident. He would buy me comics and take me to roam on his Yamaha RX-100 bike. May be he is the reason why my current bike is also a Yamaha. I bought a Yamaha because of him, although every body in family dissuaded me. I liked Super Commando Dhruv just as much as he liked. That's why he never said no when i insisted on buying a super commando comics. He died on his beloved Yamaha when a truck hit him and he fell 30 feet down from the roadside in the premises of the very place where my nanaji used to work. What an irony :( Even after so many years, we don't know why he went on a road which would lead him out of Lucknow? What he was doing on that road at 1 a.m in the night, that too alone? He was supposed to come home by 11 pm that day. No body has the answers. 

17 May 2003: 4 years later, i lost my paternal grandfather. My babaji was a stern man. He screwed me up like anything but he was the one who gave me the name 'Seetu'. Ya initially that was my nick name before my parents started calling me Sachu. But babaji called me seetu always till his last days. I was not allowed to sleep after 6 am whenever i visited his home, even during summer vacation. That seemed like yucky but now i know that he was right. Thereafter, till i completed class 12th, i always got up by 5 am and used to study fresh minded. Ya those were the most hard working and pleasing days. Babaji died 15 days after he had a stroke and was paralysed. I was sufficiently old that time to understand the situation. At 1 in the night, we got a call from the hospital. I rushed with my dad on my moped and by the time we reached, everything ended. My dad was really moved and he immediately moved out as if he was unable to bear the shock. Though i was a teen, i comforted my dad and we both wept. Too heavy work for a teenager.

January 2006: I was into 2nd year of college and was in Noida with mom to complete the semester registration. Mom got a call that her maternal grandmother died. Yes my mom's maternal grandmother! She was 93. I used to call her boodhi naani as she was older than my nani ji. She used to love me so much. I am sad because i don't have her photos. She treated me like a prince and i was the cynosure of her eyes. She would always give me so much money whenever i used to go to my nanaji's home during summer vacation. I could not attend her funeral and feel pity about.

October 2008: I was in first year IIT and my younger mamiji passed away under mysterious circumstances. Her son Vibhu and her daugter Yashi are very close to my heart. Both have no body to look after and live with their Maternal grandparents. We try to bring them every summer. Luckily this time i was able to meet both of them as their schools were closed and they will spend 2 months at my home. Mamiji was young and i was 11 when she married my mamaji. She was a sweet lady and her smile was very lovely. 

Seriously, the last decade of 20th century was very bad for my family. As a kid, i encountered three deaths and was moved. My teenage was more painful because i kept loosing my beloved people. Some of them would have been very happy when i got my first job. I am the eldest and they would have been glad seeing me lead this generation of kids with proud and honour. I most of all miss Nanaji and Mamaji. They would have been so happy to see my upbringing and my achievements. I seriously wanted to ride a Yamaha with me controlling the bike and mamaji sitting behind me. It's another thing that all my family members still hate Yamahas.

Having seen so much in life so early, i am a broken man. Learnt so many things a bit too early. No wonder i like sad songs. When you suffer that much, you start liking sad things. But that does not mean i am always sad! Yes, there is pain in my heart as i am deprived of so many people. But still i smile, i laugh despite all odds because life does not stop. Actually nothing stops if people die. The best thing we do is to strive ahead and make the dead ones proud. They would be seeing us from heaven. I so so miss all of you even though all of you are history now :'( 

I love and miss my dead ones and that is why i love people around me. I have friends, some good some bad. I am scared to loose more people and therefore i make every attempt not to lose anybody in life due to my mistake or his/her. I realize the value and worth of people. Its a good thing to value others and be available when they actually need you. Giving time and love to all of them. It feels nice to my heart. I know what it means to have a 'family'.

Recently i went home. I realized that there are so many things to look after as an elder, even if i am unhappy at heart. I took all of the available baccha party to dinner. Vibhu and Yashi were specially happy and that was my objective. I met them in person after almost 5 years. Phone talks do not bring that much warmth though. We had a bang and sitting on the rear seat, they all were making me laugh while i was driving the car. I feel that its our time now to lead. Shalu di, Chunnu, Minakshi, me, Vibhu and Yashi.. i hope all will do well in life and would make our dead ones proud in heaven. 

I am thankful to google as i am at my expressive best today. Normally i am not that expressive. Childhood was painful but things do come out of heart like a volcano sometimes......