Untitled.....

And this time, she is damn true. It's important to be adventurous and lively in life. I admire that whenever she is true, she is always bang on target. Or else, she will keep me busy with her really funny acts.

I remember, i was really full of surprises all the time and it used to be very hard to predict what i could do next. But i lost myself somewhere in the last few months amidst this corporate slavery. I think i this is what they call the work-life imbalance. The transition from campus to corporate has not been smooth for me, as i expected. I have fucked up many things. I have really handled all this in a very novice way. No wonder, i named this post 'Untitled'...

Today was a Sunday and i was working! :-/ That's not bad. But i should take time out for everybody, at least all the special ones. Otherwise what's the purpose of all this hard work? I should concentrate on life's happiness, the things which "really" make me happy from the inner soul, the people who make me smile, and somewhere in between i will regain my lost time. 

I really need to start biking. That's a thing which will keep me happy. I want to explore the real India which lives around roads. I want to tour. And i need not wait more. This October will start on a good note i feel. I thank God that i found the real problem which is ME. 

I have acted very lousy and therefore it is natural for anybody to get angry. All this in-activeness has eaten into many things. I have acted in a very destructive way, made my relation from bad to worse, but i have to come up. Its never too late. At least i need to start some long pending things which i ignored since long time. 

I thank God that slowly i am taking a new approach to life, which is full of smiles and inner happiness. I should do what makes me happy and keeps my special ones happy while maintaining my job. When i look back, the past year has really told me so many things about me. God give me strength to change myself...

Horizon

Had little free time today after i was free from the routine weekend chores. Went to the 8th floor terrace of my apartment.

Sometimes its really feels amazing to look the sky. Far away trees, buildings can be seen if the locality is not cluttered and yes the horizon...! Horizon reminds you that sky has a limit and earth also has a limit. It was amazing to see the horizon today while i also plugged in music to soothe my ears. Slowly the sunlight was receding and far off places became less visible. But the view was magnificent, beyond words... I came down after 2 hours and by that time, it was all darkness.

We hardly take off time to enjoy the nature. But when i do that, it feels nice and pure.. My 2 hours were well spent on the terrace with slow music in the background. Just remembered that i forgot to have dinner but a biscuit always helps :)

From tomorrow, again office..day by day, minute by minute... Life has become uni dimensional, hectic and little frustrating.. But i have no serious complaints.. I will go on... 

Back to Square one....

Life has been strange for me so far. Past few days have been hectic. I was preparing for good but somehow everything has turned out to be bad, maybe worse. But morning follows darkness. So i am not too much worried. Any way i never lose faith in my abilities and may be of others too.

I easily get along with lot of people. They have taught me various things. But may be its time to understand now that promises are meant to be broken. That some words just have no meaning. They are spoken just for the sake of it!

There are instances when something unexpected happens, something terribly goes wrong, something which you can't fix just because it's not in your hands. Sometimes, i wonder whether there is any other way out to live in this world beyond 'tit-for-tat' theory. But a small corner of my heart says i should remain what i am, no matter how many times i fall. I should stay straight and take on everything head-on. Its hard but not impossible, for nature and character is what makes you a man and a true human being. No matter how much money Dhirubhai Ambani earned, he is still small....very small in front of a comparatively modest Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam when it comes to gain respect. I want to be somebody like him.

No matter how many movies SRK acts in, people still associate Aamir Khan with best quality and innovative movies with a social message. These instances just teach us that we should live life on our own but legitimate terms. You can't run around whole life pleasing undeserving people and acting good. Those who deserve us better, will get the best of us no matter how. Those who don't deserve us will anyhow lose us. Those who deserve us will understand us. Those who don't, they won't. Its just a game and we all have to play it without any choice.

Till date i have enjoyed life the way i wanted it to be. When i look back, i want to remembered as somebody who can be blindly trusted, who is friendly yet command respect, who is serious yet truthful, who will go out of the way to help and will never express that. Feeling very bad today but still I am proud to possess a little bit of all these qualities and want to proceed in the chosen direction. As somebody said, "if you don't know where to go, it doesn't matter which road you take"...

Big Egos, Small Men....

Continuing from the past post, this one is to reiterate the same. Egos become big and people become small. We often try to project to others as if we are happy. More so, if we recently got trapped into a brawl. But somewhere in the process of projection, we lose ourselves. For being happy is never complaining, but projecting to be happy is! The ingenuity of human mind is great. Rather than putting it in useful things, we waste it in innovative ideas of show-off and comparison. No two people are different. Hence maintaining one's individuality becomes important. Somewhere in the process of ceasefire, we should not forget who we are. 

February month has been great so far. The twists and turns were amazing. I got to learn valuable lessons. Modern love is more spoken and less felt. People can stay away without caring for others. But it somehow misses the point that most of us are dependent on our close ones. If i say i am not, it just means that i am being a hypocrite. The very thought of what is happening amazes me to great extent. People say things which are great to hear. But unfortunately most of them are just said and hardly practiced.

I have tried to behave good and i am innately good. No doubt about that. I cannot show off and i cannot project my false image. If somebody needs me the most, i will be there without any purposes. That's how i am, that's how i have been. Keeping people above me and helping them till they smile. But unfortunately some body is teaching me the other way round... 'Big egos, small men'.....

Arbit Thoughts

"Ek baat honthon tak hai jo aayi nahin,
Bas aankhon se hai jhaankti,
Tum se kabhi, mujhse kabhi, kuch lavz hai wo maangti....

Jinko pehen ke honthon tak aa jaye wo,
Awaaz ki baahon me baahein daal kar ithlaaye wo,
lekin jo ye ek baat hai, ehsaas hi ehsaas hai..."

Very nice lines but so true. In these modern times, where egos are big and people small, the above lines often fit in somehow. You want to say many things but keep mum just to show off how egoistic you are.. The times go by and we are left, just to imagine how the good times were. People don't realize when they go through this. Unfortunately the rule of nature is that you only realize the value of something when you have lost it or when its too late. That, people and relations are far more important than money. Money can fetch you happiness but it can never fetch you the hands you need when you are ill, or when you are down or when you are in trouble. Then egos become small and people seem big automatically.  

Man is such a selfish animal, yes animal. Thats because he realizes what he wanted all through his life only on his death bed. And during his life, he wanders like an animal. Lets the good times pass by easily and cribs  about the wrong times.

At times, we go weak on people we love. But then we have to stand up some day and take a strong stand so that we can move on. After all, its painfully wrong if somebody takes you for granted. To me, silence is the most powerful means of communication. It reveals more than it covers. It tells more than it keeps mum. Idiots may take somebody's silence as his/her weakness but then they are idiots. You don't have to worry about them for if they care about you, they will turn up. There is a limit to how much good a person can be but at the end of the day, he is human after all..!

Its better to spend time with those who actually can appreciate its worth, who make you happy, who can acknowledge that you are spending 'your' time on them and that's the beauty of it, who will and will always be there and not temporarily turn up as and when they want, who are TRUE friends and not temporary or transient ones, who will put 'you' before they put themselves, who will put 'us' before 'me', who will go to great lengths to keep you happy and not let their egos come in between, who will be permanently sure about you and who will feel proud that they are your friends. I have some of them and thank God that he found me worth them.

I read somewhere that we should keep away from negative people and negative company because they affect your performance, your style and your precious time. I am a self driven person. I decide my own path. I decide whom to keep happy. I have never lost so far in what i have decided. Time has come to give everybody his/her due...

Life...

Life is a strange thing. It shows up untold, unheard, unseen things. Sometimes it becomes so easy that you just wish that the days stop passing by and sometimes you just want that the days shouldn't stop by. Some happy, some complex, some angry and some sad days, there's so much in it. What it also helps in is to get mature.

It inspires you to set road maps about where you want to go, about what you want to be, about how you want that golden goal of yours! Off lately i have slowed down on posting on my blog. I have been occupied by things, kept busy and trying to solve life's fundas. I have been successful in most of them. But here is one point from where i can make or break myself. As i get all set to climb this crucial stage, i just wish that God gives me the courage and will to succeed. Sometimes, life takes its own course. I will just try to keep it on the right track. And miles to go before i sleep, and miles to go before i sleep...........

NIGHT - The Best Friend of ourselves

During my short existence on this planet, i have realized that if you ever want to know yourself, about your likings and disliking, about rights and wrongs, befriend the NIGHT! Its the best friend you can ever have outside your humane circle. Over the years, this friend has made me self-aware, the moment i am drifting. Sometimes, i am just left spellbound and go into the endless, reverberating phenomena called 'thinking' in the lexicon of homo sapiens solely because of endless silence this friend of mine creates after 12:00 A.M. It sounds and feels like a vacuum, like everything has come to a standstill and I just can't escape it. It pushes me into a transcendental state where everything flashes before me and i am left with no option but to 'think'.

Its just one of those nights where this divine friend has left into the thinking mode. I am listening to Kites Instrumental theme which i have myself captured from the original movie. The music is enthralling and helps when you are thinking. I have just completed the movie "Boy in the Striped Pyjamas". What a movie and what a magical background score by James Horner (of the Titanic fame). Man, Hitler was a bloody idiot! Over these many years, i have not been able to stay away from any movie that even lamely touches World War 2 or the madness of Hitler! What he did to the mankind cannot and should not be forgotten.

However, this movie, James Horner theme, Kites instrumental and my friend Night combined have made me to think what i want to do in life. There have been days where i have spent the entire night and all my time on browsing some of the world's best universities, their programs, their happenings and their alumni. I have never doubted even for a second that i want to become and die as a Professor. But whenever i see any faculty lists of any of these universities, i come across some really great profiles having alien or unachievable qualifications, which i can only dream of. I consider myself as an above average student who can never learn by rote, can never cram but can understand, can comprehend what is being said. Of course in the Indian education system, a guy like me has no place. I aspire for that place, that curriculum where i don't have to cram what is not required but is important for the exam, not to beg in front of indifferent Indian professors for some petty grades which can never measure my true potential as a student. History has proved that excellence does not require any formal education, it rather just requires a calm environment, peace, patience and probably a place where you can think independently and segregate yourself from worldly troubles.

I am sure night brings that peace, that environment for me. Perhaps but, till so far, i did not have the courage to fight this system, to do what i like, to study what i want to. Knowing you will end up being a professor but still opting for a Job, perhaps to achieve some financial stability and power. But do those guys who go straight into academics don't succeed. Sure, those in India can't. But i never restricted myself to India. I have visited more foreign university websites than Indian ones. Is this an indication of what i really want? Something i am ignoring since long? Certainly i don't have answers. It pains me to see those who are less intelligent than me, some my near and dear ones, going abroad for Masters/Ph.Ds just because they believed that they 'can' and they 'should' go for it. I don't know when i will start all that but the day i started, there would be no looking back. I know that a good teacher is not the one having Godly qualifications, but the one who can easily connect with his students, who can make them understand his subject, his feelings without blocking their intellectual flow of thoughts.

I aspire to become one such kind, one who, if God is graceful enough, will acquire all those degrees and will connect with my students....something deeply lacking in the Indian education system. I will slowly climb up the ladders because i know i have the ability to become one. Night often helps me to foresee, to aspire, to talk to my real self and vision. Aren't you best friend then? I read a wonderful line today to sum up....

"Dreams are not which come when you are asleep,

 dreams are those which don't LET you sleep" .....

James Horner is as usual great and Kites music is soothing. Both have come to their end. I should come to mine.. Good 'NIGHT'....